Got APWH score back today.....eh not that great, but not bad. 1st instinct was could've done better. 2nd instinct was you're an idiot you spent all that time for nothing. 3rd instinct was look at you, pathetic.
Its funny because everyone who knows me, knows I work hard and dedicated. But so what? A kid can be the hardest worker in the world, and when he sets his mind to something he doesn't stop till its finished. But he can still be as dumb as a rock. I don't know, its hard to believe that I spent more then half my freshman year studying for the final just to get a grade like that. Feels like a bullet just tore off both my legs, my arms and shot a magic bullet that completly destroyed my will power, and my opponent just stood over me and laughed. All that time in study groups and lecturing and what's even worse the assault from Dad saying "Why?" feels like a hot knife stabbed right into my skin. I could've done better. But why didn't I??!! WHY???!!!
A friend told me that "When you are at the top, remember what it felt like to be at the bottom. and when you're at the bottom remember what it felt like to be at the top." Well right now I feel at the bottom, but I don't know what it feels like to be at the top. Everyone expects so much out of me and I expect so much out of myself, but what happens when everything you want to be turns back and bites you?
"On the battlefield soldiers, there is only one rule, kill or get killed."
"Sir we have a wounded one in the field"
"leave him be"
"but sir.."
"I'm not risking two lives because one soldier couldn't push himself enough to survive"
In this world you either kill( get good grades, get into a good college, get a good job) or get killed( become nothing.)
I have to push myself harder, parents say I push myself too hard and I say "The skies the limit"
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Um. The University of Wisconsin-Madison has more CEOs in Fortune 500 companies than Harvard, Yale, and UPenn combined. The average income of Ivy League graduates is less than that of graduates of Duke and of most LACs. Your undergrad school has almost no bearing on how your income will be and certainly has no bearing on how happy you'll be in your future. The only career paths in which your school matters are medicine and investment banking, and both of those consider your GRADUATE SCHOOL, and in the case of medicine, your residency. So stop fucking crying about how your life is over every time you don't do well at a debate tournament or every time you don't get a perfect test paper. IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER. Again, YOUR COLLEGE HAS NO BEARING ON HOW SUCCESSFUL YOU'LL BE OR HOW HAPPY YOU'LL BE.
MOREFUCKINGOVER, your AP score doesn't matter at all. Colleges use APs for one reason. To make sure that your school doesn't have grade inflation (you get a high grade in a class and then bomb an exam). An 4 DOES NOT IMPLY you bombed an exam in any way. A 4 is excellent considering you're a freshman. 4s are the top 20% of all test takers, and so you must be the top 5ish% of freshman. That's not something to cry over. Seriously. This pisses me off.
Don't set yourself up for shit like this by putting the highest expectations on yourself. Why the hell would you expect yourself to be perfect? That's bullshit. You're comparing yourself with non-existant entities. Who the fuck is going to look down on you or call you a failure for getting a 4 on an AP? Especially as a freshman. You're going to end up QQing through life at this rate. Get your act together.
QQ moar and fail moar.
I concur.
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